Today my daughter turns 4. Today feels special in many ways. Last year at this time I was in the hospital, waiting for my blood counts to rebound. It was taking awhile. What I didn't know then was I had not gone in to remission on my first induction. Cancer was still hanging around. I remember thinking that this birthday might be the last one I would get to see my daughter have and I was in the hospital. I wanted so badly to do the whole mom thing. Party, presents, cake....everything a little girl should have on her birthday. But, I was stuck. Stuck in the hospital, stuck with an impaired immune system, stuck with no hair, stuck with cancer.
As I recover, I realize how important and significant milestones are. To be here a year later and doing well is nothing short of a miracle. I prayed so many times to beat this cancer not so much for me, but for my daughter. I couldn't imagine her growing up with no mother. My husband, Mark, lost his mom to cancer when he was only 8 years old. Could this be history repeating itself? Mark's memories of his mom are mostly of her being sick. A parade of doctors and priests coming to the house. Mark only has 2 "good" memories of his mom. That's it. Would Audrey be left with the same? Would she be left with any memories of me if this cancer took my life?
I am very thankful to be here a year later and to be able to celebrate with my little girl. I'd be lying if I didn't say that my thoughts are already on next year. I want to be here again next year to celebrate. And the year after that, and the year after that. I want Audrey to have many, many good memories.
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