Hidden Benefits

Life after a BMT is filled with surprises, some good and some bad. I will start with the most recent bad. I had a clinic and gyno. appointment on Thurs. and I ended up breaking down in both. I never cry at clinic, ever. Most days I am quite glad just to be alive. But, dealing with the GVHD is starting to take it's toll. Of course, there is the vaginal GVHD that I've been dealing with for 6 months now, but, I now have it's new friends rearing their ugly heads. I mentioned in a previous post the stiffness, lack of power and pain in my hands and arms. It is still hanging around and some days so painful that I have all I can do to get out of bed. Then the new, more recent development, my urinary tract issues. I thought perhaps it was a UTI. But, no. Hence, my need for an appt. with the gyno. I love my new gynecologist. She is great. She has been coordinating with my cancer doctor to find solutions. After examination, she felt my urinary tract issues were from a lack of estrogen. You see, one of the nasty side effects from all the chemo I received is early menopause. I am only two months away from being considered through menopause. Unbelievable. So, she felt a topical estrogen cream would help. Something she's been pushing for awhile now that I just never ended up starting due to one reason or another. I felt such a sense or relief when I left her office. I felt like I had something to try that might take the pain away. Then, on to my clinic visit. That's when I really broke down. I had a very painful morning on Tuesday with my hands and arms that was still top on mind. I had my usual nurse that day, Cindy. She's just great. We always end up chatting for quit awhile when I am in. This time, she was my shoulder to cry on. I spilled my blubbery guts to her. (I'm a messy crier, just ask my husband.) I told her of the guilt I feel for complaining about the GVHD when I should just be happy to be alive. Of course she told me I have every right to complain and that it was ok. She also told me that around 1 year after diagnosis is when a lot of people just reach a breaking point. They are sick of dealing with doctor visits, GVHD, drugs, just plain sick of dealing with cancer. Finally, my doctor came in. He was running quite late that day and my day at the hospital ended up being one of the marathon days I so despise. I love my doctor. He is the perfect match for me. We have the same sense of humor and he is not a sugar coater. He gives it to me straight, good or bad and we can always find some reason to grab a chuckle at something one of us says. I cried to him as well. Venting my frustration at my GVHD and the constant pain I have been in. He said to me, "Julie, we don't want to win the war just to lose the battle." And he is right, They are there to give me the best quality of life possible. I know that. It just hard to escape the guilt I so often feel. So, out came the prescription pad with a new drug for me. Prednisone. Oh my. I have always dreaded this drug. I have had to take it once before for a very, very bad case of contact dermatitis of unknown origin. Prednisone did the trick then and now here it was, back at my door step. Another drug to add to my list. A drug with some wicked side effects. Ugh. Luckily, I was able to take one drug off of my list. Fluconozone got eighty sixed. So ,net net I was pretty much at the same number of drugs. So, while I felt some trepidation about going on to Prednisone, I also felt a swell of relief. Perhaps, I could get some relief from my almost constant pain. It has been a couple of days now and I have already started to get some relief. It is remarkable how quickly your mood can change when you are not in constant pain.

Now, for the good. I went to visit my sister with the awesome stem cells for a couple of days. Her kids and my daughter all have birthdays in the fall. So, we decided to have a little birthday get together. The morning I was to drive down, Tuesday, was, as I mentioned, quite bad for my hands and arms. I was in so much pain. I had all I could do to make it out the door and then drive for 3 1/2 hours to her house. As I drove, I had to alternate hands on the steering wheel. Giving one a rest, then the other. Flexing them, stretching them, trying to give them some relief. Now, visiting my sister has always been problematic for me in the past. You see, I grew up with cats, but, some where along the way, around the age of 25, I started to develop allergies. One of my allergies was to cats. My sister has two cats. In the past, when I went to visit, I either had to find some other place to sleep or try to suffer through with my allergy medicine that never seemed to do much. I was told that my allergies might change after having a BMT. So, I decide I would go down for a visit and stay at her house and not take any allergy medication. A bit of a trial by fire. Well, what do you know, I no longer have an allergy to cats!!! Wow! A wonder side benefit of the BMT. Ironically, it doesn't always work out for the best with some BMT patients and their allergies. My nurse told me of one patient who's donor, her brother, had a shellfish allergy. She never had one but after the transplant, she does. So, in this regard, I am lucky. My sister has few, if any, allergies. I also had no seasonal allergies this year either. So, thanks again sis. This in one side effect of the BMT I will gladly take.