Vacation...it does a mind good

Just returned from my second vacation this summer. What a rarity. I never, and I do mean never, take 2 vacations in the summer. I guess when you face death and survive, you realize that more vacations are a good thing and that the world won't end if you're not working for a week.

What a nice week. It was just me and my girl. My husband stayed home since work is just crazy for him right now. We rented a house on the Cape. My sister and her kids came down for part of the week. We visited friends that live down there. It was a great chunk of mom and kid time. Also, I truly realized how strong mine and my sister's relationship has become. I credit us both for wanting the relationship to be stronger and working to make it so. Things like that don't just "happen". It takes work, love and forgiveness.

But, as I could have easily predicted, my anxiety started to swell. As I drove down, the tired old track that seems never stop whenever I start having fun began to play...."this is the beginning of the end....things are going too well.....it's all going to come crashing down again...." For about 3 days this feeling of anxiety and dread stayed with me. One night I talked to my sister about it. She listened and reassured me. It helped. But, it wasn't completely gone.

Then, without me even noticing it or thinking about it, it happened. I just plain forgot about all my worry. I think I was just having so much fun I didn't even notice the soundtrack of worry and dread had stopped playing. I was just living life, plain and simple. When I finally noticed that the anxiety had abated, I felt a sense of shock and relief. I actually managed to just enjoy myself and not feel like I was destine for doom. It was possible. So often it feels like an elusive goal I will never achieve. But, my husband always tells me that someday I will just say, "I had leukemia." and that's it. It was something that happened to me years ago and I passed beyond it. I will be able to say it and not feel the dread. I will be able to think about it and not begin to worry. It is not to say I will forget. That will never be possible. But, much like forgiveness, you can give it without forgetting. Someday I will live in that place.